is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
