you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
