he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Im part way to drunk.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
