Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Let's paint friendship bongs
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
