Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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