and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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