I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
