Dude my mom stole all your condoms
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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