It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
