Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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