I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
