You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
