Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
