I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
