you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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