At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
