They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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