You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Enjoy the penises
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
