I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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