guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
