have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
