worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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