i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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