when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
