What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
