you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
