Nicole vs. Life
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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