Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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