No awkward lesbian experiences without me
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
