DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
