The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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