and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
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Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I think my moral compass just broke
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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