jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
