According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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