He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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