I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
