Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
