his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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