Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
