high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
