it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
