we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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