So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
