well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
