If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
