That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
