This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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