I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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