Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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