did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
