I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
