why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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