everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
