cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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