I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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