using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
