You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She's the barista slut.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
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Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
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You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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