Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
