I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
wat bout pragnant strippers??
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
