my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I want a musical about memes.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
