I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
