that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
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she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
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you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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