i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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