Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
