sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
