I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
