worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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