Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
