Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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