I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
