how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
