Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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