So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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