You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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