No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
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I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
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This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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