Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
