I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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